Queens, NY— People are calling for Republican candidate John Kasich to drop out of the Presidential race after footage surfaced showing him eating pizza with a knife and fork in an Italian pizzeria in Queens.
“You can’t eat pizza like that in Queens. It’s an abomination! It may even be illegal, and if it isn’t, it should be.” said enraged NY pizzeria owner Mario Vincenzo after seeing the video. “Did you see what he did to that slice? Maddona Mia! It was perverse. I can’t even watch the video, it’s making me sick. Please turn it off.”
Vincenzo added “Do we really want someone who eats pizza like that in charge of the free world? I just can’t see hardcore New Yorker’s voting for someone who would defile a beautiful NY slice in such a manner.”
Kasich tried to defend his etiquette, explaining there were extenuating circumstances. “The pizza was scalding hot so I ate my first bite with a knife and fork, and ate the rest with my hands.”
When criticized about the incident by a reporter, Kasich retorted “I was eating pizza before you were born,” and added “the fact that you only showed the beginning of the video with me using utensils on the first bite and not the full video of me eating the rest of the slice with my hands is just irresponsible, dirty journalism.”
As a result of the incident, which has been dubbed “Slicegate,” Kasich’s poll numbers are plummeting in NY, and his campaign is scrambling to do damage control and restore confidence in Kasich with the people of New York before the New York primary, which is just weeks away.